5 Movies That Keep Me Awake at Night

I spend a lot of my day combing the web for news and other ideas that I can turn into profit. I spend my nights watching a lot of crappy TV.

Many people don’t like to admit it, but I love TV.

That said, a lot of the same old crap seems to draw me in each and every time I flip by it. Maybe I am defeated after 50 or so channels; maybe it’s just that it’s familiar to me. Either way, I’m not saying the movies on this list are bad or good. However, for some reason, each one always seems to suck me in, no matter if it’s 7:00 a.m. or 2 a.m.

The Fugitive
Indiana Jones versus a one-armed man? Consider me glued. I like to justify this one by waving Tommy Lee Jones and his Oscar. That excuse worked maybe the first 40 times I watched this action flick. One-armed man? It could happen. In reality though, it’s all about action that I don’t really have to think about.

Line, please: “Well, think me up a cup of coffee and a chocolate doughnut with some of those little sprinkles on top, while you’re thinking.”

The fashions, Paul Rudd and the Mighty Mighty Bosstones; this one gets me every time. Despite Cher’s privileged life, this one manages to capture ’90s teen life to a tee. Apparently in my memories, I am a much better dresser. I expect a lot from Amy Heckerling, since she directed Fast Times at Ridgemont High (which also deserves a spot on my list). However, Dan Hedaya is really the star for me. He may only play Cher’s dad, but he’s got some of the best one-liners in the movie (see below).

Line, please: “Anything happens to my daughter, I got a .45 and a shovel, I doubt anybody would miss you.”

Die Hard
Pretty much any of the three first Die Hard movies applies here. However, a young, not-quite-bald Bruce Willis talking smack to an extremely evil Alan Rickman (in his first feature film!) is what keeps me tuning in again and again.

Line, please: “Hans, Bubi, I’m your white knight!”

13 Going on 30
It’s no Clueless or anything, but Jennifer Garner is so cute in it. She should really do more comedy. Part of me wishes that high hair, bright clothes and dancing to “Thriller” was still socially acceptable. Despite including the aforementioned cheesy dance scene, the movie is easy on the eyes and the brain, meaning that I can usually fold laundry or do something else around the house, and not miss a beat.

Line, please: “I can pretty much peg it to your 13th birthday party, when you were in the closet playing that game. Spin the Rapist?”

40 Year-Old Virgin
This was a hard slot to fill. It was a toss up between a few comedies and this great piece from Judd Apatow. It’s slightly harder to stomach on broadcast TV, but I had to give it up to Apatow and his gang for two reasons. First, I feel that I owe it to him for the whole Freaks and Geeks thing. Also, this film has the single greatest ending ever. Rosebud? Head in a box? Exploding shark? Frozen Han Solo? Damn straight.

Line, please: “Is that the Six Million Dollar Man’s boss?”

Got a movie that couldn’t tear you away if your house was on fire and/or it was raining M&Ms outside? Drop me a comment.

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  1. haha 40 year old virgin was hilarious,

  2. Yes! I love TV, too!

    And Rach, you’re not going to believe this, but my sister and I used to say “Hans, Bubi, I’m your white knight!” ALL THE TIME. Everyone goes with Yippiekyyay, but Bubi is where it’s at.

  3. rachelcericola

    That’s really true, Mac. “Bubi” was a big line when I was in college… and it still stands!

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